Happy Thursday morning ... The last couple of days have been a struggle for me for some reason. I am rather angry with myself. I am doing my Bible studies on living a fearless life. I am learning about living by faith. I have been faithful with my tithe and God has been blessing me and our family at every turn. Then on Tuesday something happened that has put a damper on my joy and faith. It's a silly little thing but it has been bothering me. It's like a speed bump that I didn't see and fell on my face. I keep thinking it must be the devil trying to knock me off my path of trust. I was preparing our taxes and was excited to see we would get a nice size refund. Then, I had one more entry from a bank we used to have a small second mortgage with. The bank released us from our loan amount. Back in 2008 we started a process to modify our mortgage. We, along with hundreds of thousands of other families were having a hard time keeping up with our payments. For two years I tried to get the company to work with us on our modification. I was worried about being behind on the payments but the counselor I had been assigned to said that if we made a payment it would mess up our modification. On February 1, 2010 I went to court to work out the details. I had just got a job with the Phelan McDermid Syndrom Foundation and between that job and Jeff's we were able to make our payments. The set amount was $980.51 per month, down from $1200. We made our first payment on March 1, 2010 and never missed a payment. However, in September 2010 our home was sold at auction without our knowledge. So we have been misplaced since that time. Praise the Lord God provided a home for us to live. So, long story short, the bank released us from the loan but Uncle Sam considers that as income. So, with that it takes away all of our refund and then makes us owe Uncle Sam almost $4,000. Yikes! But, once again I have to life by faith ... God didn't say oops here and I need to trust HIM. He knows what He is doing.
My verse today is I Corinthians 4:20 For the kingdom of God does not consist in talk but in power. I take that to mean we must walk the walk not just talk the talk. We must believe and act on that belief. So, I need not live in fear but live by faith trusting that God has this all taken care of. Psalm 31: 1-9 is a Psalm of David. In you, O Lord, do I take refuge; let me never be put to shame; in your righteousness deliver me! Incline your ear too me; rescue me speedily! Be a rock of refuge for me, a strong fortress to save me! For you are my rock and my fortress; and for your name's sake you lead me and guide me; and you take me out of the net they have hidden for me, for you are my refuge. Into your hand I commit my spirit; you have redeemed me, O Lord, faithful God. I hate those who pay regard to worthless idols, but I trust in the Lord. I will rejoice and be glad in your steadfast love, because you have seen my affliction; you have known the distress of my soul. and you have not delivered me into the hand of the enemy; you have set my feet in a broad place. Be gracious to me, O Lord, for I am in distress; my eye is wasted from grief; my soul and my body also. It goes on to speak of how weak we are as humans. My favorite verse is 14 and 15, But I trust in you, O Lord; I say, "YOU ARE MY GOD." My times are in your hand; rescue me from the hand of my enemies and from my persecutors!
He loves us! We are His children crying out and HE WON'T FORGET about us! He takes care of us. Even though we were once slaves to the spirit and lived according to the lust of our flesh, carrying out our own desires ... HE still loves us! He still rescues us. Our minds get clouded with our own sin. We can't see the forest for the trees sometimes. God has been showing me every time I turn around that He has everything under control. And yet, as I was doing my taxes and found myself in a panic, I forgot what He has done. I ask God to help me see what He has done and remind me to share His blessings with others. I don't mean to brag about what God has done. I mean to share and encourage others by sharing how He has worked in our own lives.
I Peter 1:6-9 says that we are to rejoice, even in the trials. These trials are a test of our faith and they are more precious than gold! Even though we have not seen Him, we love Him, we believe in Him and we rejoice that He loves and cares for us.
The trials are most often not fun. However, we learn so much from them if we let God work through them. I know over the years there have been so many trials. There has been so much hurt and pain but I have survived those times and am a better person for them. One of the worst times in my life was back in 2001. We were pregnant with our third precious gift from Heaven ... a child. We had our two precious boys and were caring for a family member, a precious little girl. We, of course, were praying for a daughter of our own. I happened to stop in the doctors office to pick up more vitamins and mentioned to the doctor I didn't feel very well. He took me into the exam room and did an ultra sound only to find out our precious baby had died. I was devastated ... I remember my heart sinking and my entire body just aching. Jeff was in Tampa at work and unreachable. I felt so all alone. I called my Mom, who called my Sister and our Pastor's wife Mrs. Metts. I got home and they met me there to just love me through this time. The next day I had to go to the hospital for the D&C. My Sister drove me to the hospital and my precious husband Jeff met me there. We spoke through the night trying to figure out what happened and why. While in recovery I woke to a bald headed older gentleman. My immediate thought was why God would you give me a man to care for me right now. I needed someone who would understand my tears. But God knew He was perfect to care for me. He said, "I know you need your husband and will go get him righ tnow for you." He then explained that he and his wife had lost SEVERAL children to miscarriage. He was so wonderful and talked to Jeff about what to expect from my recovery and just told him to love me and let me cry. He said to allow ourselves time to grieve because we had plans for this child and we needed time to do so. God knew this was the perfect nurse to guide us through this process. Later that year the world experienced 911 then on September 22, 2001 my Mother suddenly went home to be with the Lord! So much loss... it was over whelming. However, I learned that when someone was suffering I needed to wrap my arms around them and love them. Sometimes that is all that a person needs. I need to be sensitive to others. Even though they may have a smile on their face, they may be dying inside.
Today I got to spend a few more hours with my dear friend recovering from surgery. I cherrish this time with her and we have been able to share our heart with each other. I am thankful this friendship has been renewed and we plan to do more together with our families in the coming months. I am sorry she had to go through this, but thankful for this precious time with both needed.
Take time and let someone know you love them. Let them know they are not alone. And as I always say, stop ... slow down... appreciate the little blessings so you don't miss the big ones! Praise God no matter where you are in life and remember He didn't say oops! He is carrying you, those are the foot steps you see in the sand. We can do nothing without HIM!
Have a wonderful day and God bless.
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