January 21, 2013

Happy Monday morning.  Today the kids have the day off of school.  I love having them all home, safely tucked in their little beds.  I sleep so much better when they are all home.  David is 19, Daniel 17 and Jannine 10 but they are all still my babies no matter how old they are.  I have an extra child, Izabella who is 9 here for a few days.  I love having extra children around as well.

The YouVersion Fearless Bible study today takes me to Galations 5 which talks about how poor and weak we are.  Without the Lord we are NOTHING!  We cannot do God's will or carry out His plan for our lives if we don't stay connected to Him.  Colossians 3: 1 - 17 tells that If then you have been raised with Christ, seek the things that are above, where Christ is, seated at the right hand of God.  Set your minds on things that are above, not on things that are on earth!  In this passage a special verse popped out at me.  Verse 12 says, Put on then, as God's chosen ones, holy and beloved, compassionate hearts, kindness, humility, meekness, and patience, verse  13 bearing with one another and, if one has a complaint against another, forgivine each other; as the Lord has forgiven you, so you also must forgive.  Verse 14 says, And above all these put on love, which binds everything together in perfect harmony!  Verse 17 says, And whatever you do, in word or deed, do everything in the name of the Lord Jesus, giving thanks to God the Father through him.

For some reason this brings up something that hurts my heart to the deepest point.  I have a brother that I love with all my heart.  He has always been my hero!  People in our community love him and look up to him.  For a few years he did not speak to my parents.  I was young and did not understand the problem.  Our Father died in 1990 and he did not speak to our Mother.  Then he finally reconnected to our Mom and I was so happy.  Then our Mom died in 2002 ... he was wonderful while we planned the funeral.  I felt so close to him.  We hugged at the cemetary and that is the last time I saw him ... hugged him!  Why?  A few years later I was diagnosed with a large mass on my thyroid that was thought to be cancer.  I called him thinking that maybe this would bring us together again.  He had a battle with cancer and we were very close during his fight back in 1993.  I was never so close to him as I was during that time.  We spent hours on the phone talking about the Lord and just enjoying talking.  His wife died a few years later very suddenly and sent word that I was forbidden to come to her funeral.  Why me?  He let everyone else come and has continued to speak with our other siblings but September 3, 2011 I received the most horbile letter from him.  He said he never wanted to hear from me again!  He was not my brother nor was he my friend.  Why?  I still love him and fight with myself wanting to reach out to him again at some point.  I keep praying that somehow or someway God would bring us back together.  I just want to know why ... what did I do wrong?  How can I make things right if I don't know what I have done wrong?  

Psalm 18:16-   34   tells us that God will take care of us.  We are stay focussed on Him and He will help us to do great things all through His strength. 

Proverbs 4:7-10  We are told to get wisdom; get insight; do not forget, and do not turn away from the words of my mouth.  Verse 7 says the beginning of wisdom is this: get wisdom, and whatever you get, get insight.  And verse 10 says hear, my son, and accept my words, that the years of your life may be many.

Lord, please help me develop good judgement.  I don't undnrstand why this relationship has been broken for so many years between my brother and I!  I pray Lord that this relationship will be mended at some point.  I am praying for wisdome and good judgement.  I don't know if I should reach out to him or just leave him alone.  I don't want something to happen to him before we mend our relationship.  But, is it right for me to reach out, or should I just leave him alone?  I love you Lord, please give me wisdom and guidance.  My heart hurts Lord ... I love him!  Please help me Lord.  Thank you for your guidance each day and your wisdom. 

Tomorrow, I will receive a letter from the Clerk of Court.  I fear that it might be a note regarding the decision about the home here on Alexandria Avenue.  We have no place to go from here and certainly no money to rent a home.  I am trying not to fear the letter.  That might not be what the letter is at all.  Whatever the letter,  I know that God has everything under control.  God is good.  This year I have felt the need to get back to tithing again.  Our budget is so tight right now, however, since we started tithing again this year God has done some amazing things with our finances.  We own a lot over on Charlemont that we thought was gone to taxes.  But just a few days ago we got a call from the women who purchased our Charlemont home and she wants to purchase the lot.  We won't get a lot of money but will be able to pay the back taxes and get a little bit of cash as well.  Thank you God for taking care of us.  I sold three college books on line last week and was able to pay off a debt in doing that and received some money for our checking account.  I want to remember all of these things because God is in all of it!  Thank you God.  I want in 2013 to be more in tuned to YOU and do YOUR will.  I love you LORD, I trust you LORD!  Thank you Jesus!  Praise you Jesus!  Amen